


rigor mortis

by shizuruu



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abusive Relationship, Catholic school AU, Humanstuck, M/M, and eridan has anxiety so he's not explicitely an asshole, and fef knows about his anxiety and stuff, but adding the rape/noncon warning just to warn people, dubcon ish, sollux is a pretty horrible person in this one, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-06
Updated: 2014-05-06
Packaged: 2018-01-23 19:28:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1576871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shizuruu/pseuds/shizuruu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gasps and is so small under you, you could knead him into something, someone better if you tried hard enough, so soft. And sometimes he tenses up and closes his eyes, discomfort, and he’s like a statue, rigor mortis settling in until he starts breathing again, tugging at your hair desperately, asking you for forgiveness.<br/>You forgive his sins with a choking kiss. </p><p> </p><p>Rape/Non-con warning added for no explicit consent given and some dubious stuff</p>
            </blockquote>





	rigor mortis

„There was probably a time when I could have loved you.“

[-from (When to be) Alone by asuralucier](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1008661)

 

[i]

 

He breathes you in like a drug, face against your neck and you can hear him inhaling like he can’t get enough of you, like you’re dragging him down and he loves every second of it. And you probably are – dragging him down that is and when he’s spread out below you like this, cheeks flush and eyes glazed over, almost like a thin layer of glass covering them, you can’t really bring yourself to caring.

Tiny stuttering noises spill from his throat and his hands are cold and limply hanging on to your lips. Trembling and tiny, more than ever before, you hold him in your arms, completely in control of his every move, breath, gaze. You still haven’t taken off all your clothes, while he’s stripped bare underneath you, the cold air making him look even deader and drowned; purplish lips and pale skin. 

Gasps and is so small under you, you could knead him into something, someone better if you tried hard enough, so soft. And sometimes he tenses up and closes his eyes, discomfort, and he’s like a statue, rigor mortis settling in until he starts breathing again, tugging at your hair desperately, asking you for forgiveness.

You forgive his sins with a choking kiss.

 

[ii]

 

You dream of tearing his bones apart once. Of digging your fingers into his shoulders and pushing them apart - until his voice is hoarse and blood coats your hands.

That's not how it works, you know. The only thing you would accomplish that way would be tearing his muscles.

Better than nothing.

You want to take the cross on his necklace and burn it into his skin - he should be ready to accept Jesus as a part of him by now. He would beg you and keep begging silently even after you mark him with the symbol everyone around here is so obsessed with. Serves him right. And somehow, you're still sure he would get off on it in one of his fucked up ways. Freaky bastard. What would his father, a pastor, and his mother, a teacher, say if they ever saw him how you see him. Rotting under your hands, slipping through your fingers, wicked and cold and screaming and oh so sweetly willing.

He avoids you at school, avoids existing around you, breathing around you there, as if you could contaminate him with the reality of what's going on in the janitor's closet once or twice a week. He's with his friends, the mayor's daughter with her long curly hair tied in a ponytail and the subservient freshman reading a bible.

He never spares you a glance as you pass him.

Next class is lab work and Eridan is in the class with you and when the teacher decides to sort you two into the same group, he makes this tiny strangled. A girl with a cat obsession and a lot of fur on her lab coat and a boy in a wheelchair join them and by that time Eridan looks sick in the face. You try hard not to snicker and casually start a conversation with Nepeta over the newest mmorpg you both have been playing. Soon Eridan's face is almost entirely red and he looks like he's going to freak out and he strangles out a sentence out of himself, something along the lines of: "Can we start?".

You grin at him and ask him to repeat the question and he looks at you like you just kicked him in the stomach, like he just might cry or try to kill you and it's so much fun messing with him like that.

"We should start," he spells out, breathing in and out like he just ran a race and Tavros is asking him whether he's alright and the girl he talked to before - Feferi? - is looking worriedly in his direction and suddenly a wave of anger splashes over you and you want to punch him in the fucking face, you really hate him making you look like a bad person, you're just having fun and there are voices in your head telling you to punch him so you do. 

There's a lot of blood for such a minor injury and hah - you're in trouble now so the nun leads you to the principal's office and there's a long lecture about Jesus from him and all you can see is Eridan's face full of blood and sudden onslaught of rage that he's too scared to unleash.

When you come back to the class, Eridan isn't there, only his friend is, the long-haired one. She sits next to you for math and she's really pretty, you notice, curvy body and sweet smiles until she asks you why you did that to Eridan. You say you don't know and she shrugs and offers you a handshake.

"Feferi," so you were right about her name but there's no satisfaction.

Your name slips from your lips with ease and you're chatting and then she says that what you did to Eridan is very bad and that she can't forgive you and that he has it hard and that you shouldn't force him to speak because he has anxiety and can't control it.

You really hate him. You nod and she goes to lunch with you silently. As you eat the respective hamburgers you got, you wonder why she's still talking with you then. She says it's because she wants to and she doesn't have to like you to talk to you.

You understand exactly somehow.

Eridan comes back for the next period and his lip and right cheek are a bit swollen. He sits next to Feferi and pretends not to know you once again. You notice they don't talk much. His parents will surely be angry about his face.

In the afternoon you pass each other in the hallways - you don't let him escape from you this time and drag him into the janitor's closet. You put a chair by the door as an emergency measure, but no one ever comes there so you don't think it matters much.

Eridan snarls at you and tries to kick you and it's so pathetically half-assed that you can't even pretend to take him seriously. You grab his hair and force him down on his knees and show him who you are and he isn't so that when you're done with him he'll know. He sucks your dick like it's an obligation, his hand steady but cold, calculating and you can see the hatred in his eyes as he tries not to choke on it. The pleasure is like an itch and you need to scratch it so he does, keeps going until you come in his mouth and he spits it all out.

"What would your mommy think?" you say and his expression freezes into one of horror and such simple words change him entirely, it's amazing.

"Don't," he pleas and he's still on his knees, looking so broken and utterly yours.

"I could. I could take pictures and send them to her. I could tell her. I could show her what your body looks like - really looks like beneath all this shit."

"Don't. They would send me away, they'd throw me out..." he keeps on pleading with you, tears hot in his eyes and he's frustrated oh wow, this is what you made and created and you’re his merciful God, the one he prays to for forgiveness every night before he goes to sleep, the one his parents worship in a church built of dead, silent stones, you’re all that and more – you’re his biggest fear.

Forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest.

He’d be Eve, you think and you would be Adam and the snake is just a metaphor. It’s his mind taunting him and it’s you who gives the order to take the apple and he does.

You damned him forever.

You don’t care.

 

[iii]

 

It’s all the good things he never does, the great words he never says that make him what he is, you decide finally. His blood drips from his knuckles and he’s breathing harshly. You watch him in an apathetic haze. Dully, you feel an ache poking at the back of your mind – he broke your nose, you realize.

It took him so long and there’s your salty, salty blood dripping down your chin and staining your lips. But he stood up to you, he fought back, he took the situation into his own hands and he fucking punched you in the hallway and his parents are gonna be very cross with him.

You clap.

He’s never going to be be less repulsive than he is right now.

**Author's Note:**

> eridan is not meant to be presented as a good person  
> he's representing an abused partner  
> he stands up to sollux in the end  
> written because of personal experiences


End file.
